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修改一篇英语作文、看看是否有错误、、

  Itisobvioustoeverybodythattheonlywaytoachieveone'sgoalistoworkhard。Justastheoldsayinggoes"nomill,nomeal"。Haveyoueverseenamanwhosucceedsjustbyidlingabout?Ofcourse,theansweris"No"。
  Soweknowifyouwanttogainsomething,youwillhavepains。Clevermenknowthatthemoreefforttheymake,thebiggerchancetheywillhavetobesuccessful。
  
  So,whenothersachievetheiraspirationsandyoustillgainnothing,don'tcomplainabouttheunfairfateanddon'tgiveup,either。 ,nogains。没错的话就回答个没错就可以了、谢谢、。

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2011-03-08

0 0

    仅供参考,欢迎批评指正:Itisobvious(不要toeverybody,多余了,老外直接说Itisobviousthat)thattheonlywaytoachieveone'sgoalistoworkhard(绝对化了,机遇?自信?等很多)。
  Justastheoldsayinggoes"nomill,nomeal"。  Haveyoueverseenamanwhosucceedsjustbyidlingabout?Obviously(Ofcourse主观色彩太浓),theansweris"No"。
  Soweknowifwe(用“we”好过“you”)wanttogainsomething,wewillhaveapain。  (pains:意义倾向“努力”,如果你这里表达的是“痛楚”意思。
  或者改成“takepains”)Clevermenknowthatthemoreeffortstheymake(makeeffortstodo或者makeanefforttodo),thebiggerchancetheywillhavetobesuccessful。
    So,whenothersachievetheiraspirationsandyoustillgainnothing,don'tcomplainabouttheunfairfateanddon'tgiveup,either。
   ,nogains。

2011-03-08

84 0

第一段第一句的 to everyone 可以去掉,这段的最后一句you will have pains有点不妥,因为no pains ,no gains是一句约定俗成的成语,而我们不能直接单独用have pains, 我觉得可能改为, you'd be ready to make efforts.

2011-03-08

81 0

    您的文章写得相当了得!没有语法错误,没有用词失误。不过,极个别处还可优化。见【】内。Itisobvioustoeverybodythattheonly【forceful加上此词语气更中肯,避免绝对化】waytoachieveone'sgoalistoworkhard。
    Justastheoldsayinggoes"nomill,nomeal"。Haveyoueverseenamanwhosucceedsjustbyidlingabout?Ofcourse,theansweris"No"。
  Soweknowifyouwanttogainsomething,youwillhavepains。  Clever【改为Wise强调“大智慧;有远见”】menknowthatthemoreeffort【改为efforts】theymake,thebigger【改为greater】chance【改为chances】theywillhavetobesuccessful。
    So【Asaresult多用短语文章更上档次】,whenothersachievetheiraspirationsand【while转折对比更好】youstillgainnothing,don'tcomplainabouttheunfairfateanddon'tgiveup,either。
    【You'dbettermakemorepreparationsforyourownaimandworkharderandmoreefficiently语意衔接更充分】 ,nogains。
  

2011-03-08

82 0

     To my limited knowledge of English grammar,no errors can be found。 It is obvious to everybody that the only way to achieve one's goal is to work hard。
     Just as the old saying goes "no mill, no meal"。 Have you ever seen a man who succeeds just by idling about? Of course, the answer is "No"。
     So we know if you want to gain something, you will have pains。 The farmers harvest by a year of arduous work; the scientists gain achievements by years of devoted researches; students get good marks by working hard; even the little ants have their food by working hard day and night。
     1 know there are always some people who wait for the opportunities falling on them。
   They may attribute their failures to lack of good chances。   Therefore, there are so many people gaining nothing at last。
   Clever men know that the more effort they make, the bigger chance they will have to be successful。
     So, when others achieve their aspirations and you still gain nothing, don't complain about the unfair fate and don't give up, either。
     Remember: no pains, no gains。 from: 。

2011-03-08

50 0

语法上没错,但是文章有待提高,存在一些问题,如说服力不够强,人称转换。加油吧。

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